Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Excerpts from my Moleskine

09 October, 2007

We have spent a lot of afternoons together, rounding the malls and window shopping for furniture and appliances. Funny how similar our taste in decore and style is.

We have looked at invitation designs, colour combinations for the wedding motif, engagement and wedding rings, and possible photographers to hire. We even have a list of people, friends, and family to be invited to the wedding already.

Strange how I am letting myself indulge in these fancies. I have been zealously guarding my heart ever since my world as I knew it changed. I promised myself that I can not let things or myself fall apart anymore.

I'm not sure if I'd have the strength to keep picking up the pieces.

Love must be a four letter word for disappointment. Every now and then, he is able to charm his way through my uncertainty, my bitterness and preventive strategies. Every now and then I allow myself to be naive. I allow myself to believe that this will work, that he does love me. That he is mine and I am his.

The broken, wiser, perhaps sadder part of me whispers things at the back of my mind. It warns me to be cautious, to be wary of promises of ever after.

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Thursday, August 02, 2007

Corporate ZEN

I miss my 'organized clutter' in Manila!

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Who's the Man?

I hope you don't think I'm playing hard to get. I'm just being extra careful here…

You know the story. You know my baggage. You know that my heart has been broken before, that I'm sick of crying over the could've beens and all the never will bes. Yada, yada, yada… The saga of a hopeless romantic turned bitter, cynical and jaded.

I don't know where this will lead us to. You asked me to give you a chance so; here I am putting my heart out on the line again. I'm 23 – still young enough to fall in and out of love a few more times before I finally get it right. The thing is I just don't think my heart will be able to survive the agony of another break-up.

I know that my embittered beliefs of no man ever staying faithful to his wife, girlfriend, or harem of mistresses irritates you at times but, that's just me expressing my disenchantment with your specie. Besides, I've known you for far too long to put you above suspicion. I can prattle on the entire day about all the sins that men commit. About the thousand lies you tell, the promises you utter but never intend to keep, and your duplicity in general.
Don't get the idea that I'm open to having my partner cheat on me. I still want to be with a man who is mad about me, who will make me laugh and bring me pancakes for breakfast. I still want to be 'someone's everything'.

Right now, it is still easier to remain disillusioned and disappointed than to keep on believing and hoping that MR. RIGHT exists. I'm NOT even looking for Mr. Right. Neither do I pine for Prince Charming. Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty can fight over him for all I care.

At the end of the day, all I want is a regular guy. I just want one man, a guy who will prove my past wrong and enlighten my future. One man to prove that not all men are the same.

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Great Expectations

A very good friend of mine revealed that she is three months pregnant. Instead of clapping, congratulating her profusely and making elaborate plans for a baby shower - my initial reaction reflected my sentiments about pregnancy and motherhood - I CRIED.

Yes, I know. When a friend tells you that she is going to have a baby, you are not supposed to bawl your eyes out like it was the most tragic news in the world, you are supposed to drown her in gleeful hugs and start insisting that the little tyke be named after you, for pete's sake!!!

My friend and I go a long way back. We had the same set of friends in college. We were 'pseudo' thesis partners who went around the campus handing out questionnaires. We both worked for the University publication, she as the EIC and I as a section editor.

We still kept in touch after college and were both pleasantly surprised to find that we were working in the same company. Our friendship blossomed when she ended up in the same account I was servicing. Soon, we were not only lunch buddies but, also teammates, 'aux violators' and all around pasaway agents. We shared secrets, dreams and work frustrations. We would rant and rave to each other, we both knew each other's aspirations. We celebrated each other's triumph when we were both promoted almost at the same time.

Her news made me cry because I felt that I was soon going to lose a friend to a seven pound blob of cuteness. Sooner or later, she will no longer be concerned about 'trivial' matters. She will no longer care that wedges are all the rage and high-waisted trousers are once again hot. I'll bet she'll trade her monthly magazine fix of Cosmo to copies of Smart Parenting or Good Housekeeping instead. Gone will be the days when we can just hang-out, have movie marathons and pig out on pizza and gallons of fizzy drinks. Soon, what she will gripe about is the high cost of baby formula and quick-drying diappies!

I guess I cried because I felt that she was not prepared for all of this yet. Yes, a husband and a baby were part of her plans but, not yet. Not-for-a-long-time-yet.

Or am I just confusing my plans with her plans?

Admittedly, knowing that she is pregnant, that she is responsible for another individual may have pushed my panic buttons. It was just so easy to see myself in her place and that was scary! Clearly, I am not yet ready to be responsible for another life.
I had to hug the dear girl for being the brave woman she has become. She confessed that she initially had qualms about the pregnancy but, decided to push through with it. I still have a few months to spend with her before I lose her to the secrets and intricacies of motherhood. In the meantime, we'll be out shopping for trapeze dresses and cute feeding bottles.

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Monday, March 19, 2007

True enough

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"When a woman buys a pair of shoes, she goes to eight shops to compare style, color, fit and price.

In each shop, she'll probably try a dozen pairs - holding it, touching it, smelling it, feeling it, wearing it, walking in it - before she actually buys the shoes. She also usually brings a friend or friends, always conferring and asking for comments.

But when it comes to love, a woman will love the first jerk that will make her blush." -anonymous-

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007


I can't breathe. My nose is clogged. I have a splitting headache from the pressure building up around my ears and nose due to the mucous that has been clogging my nostrils for the past few days.

Forgive me for being a tad too graphic. I just hate having a cold. I can't breathe, I can't hear, I can't speak properly. My ears hurt from the pressure I exert whenever I have to blow my nose (which is every two minutes), the skin around my nose is now sore and flaky from constantly being in contact with tissue paper. Ahhh cawwwn't bweethe, dhommet!!!

Anyway, I had planned on watching Mel Gibson's Apocalypto on the big screen, but the bus I got in on my way back to Makati had it on their DVD player, I couldn't help but watch!

The "bida" was obviously having a bad day. His village was ransacked, he had to hide his preggy wife and son in a well, he was taken captive by the intruders and made to cross forests and waterfalls while bound by his neck to a bamboo pole. When he arrives at the intruders' city he was almost sacrificed to the gods, so many mishaps happen to him before he was able to fulfill his promise to his wife that he would come back for them.

And that was how I interpreted the movie, the moral lesson is: If there is a will, there is a way. Kung gusto maraming paraan. Kung ayaw, maraming dahilan.

I was seated towards the back of the bus and could hardly read the subs, but I was still able to thoroughly enjoy the movie. Perhaps not in the way that Mel Gibson had intended me to enjoy or interpret it, but I really thought it was fun!

Jaguar Paw would have been the perfect man for a spoiled and demanding girl like moi. He promised to return, and he did. Despite blood-thirsty priests, a javelin wound, a jaguar, a band of men after him and a waterfall to scale - he was able to hold true to his promise. Against all odds.

Now where can I find a man like that?

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

How to get over a heartache...

the breakup kembot

Thanks, Pep Squad!

I could not have gotten through such a difficult time in my life without these people:

AM, the breakup guru. Thank you for sharing your stories and experiences. It is so uncanny how our love stories are so similar. Mga babaeng na-depress at pinagtaksilan, UNITE!!!

Marion, thank you for letting me sigh and scream whenever I feel like my chest is about to burst.
Sending out those sad, sad songs to you and Ann everyday has been such a great therapy for me.
Thanks for singing and crying along with me, for listening and commiserating. I love you for always telling me that I am the ultimate brat but never leaving me on my own during times when I act a bit deranged!

Chyncha, Osang and Lee, my DP girls who always tell me that this break-up is the best thing that could've happened to me.
Chynch, thanks for always providing some comic relief when I need it most.

Angel, luvs! My BUB, what would I have ever done without you? Thank you for your time and unflagging energy.
I wont ever forget the time we blubbered through 'The Break-Up' and how we made the taxi driver nervous with us carrying on with our crying in the backseat.
Everyday we tired ourselves with window shopping, movie dates and trying out all the games in TimeZone. I miss going to Sunday mass with you, AM and Alex. Remember how the homily would always make us cry? Remember our fervent prayers and silent painful tears in the prayer room of the Sacred Heart? Or the time when we counted all the huge balls displayed in front of the Makati Stock Exchange? 29 all together, right? Crazy!
Basta, thank you for going through all of this with and for me.

Alex, thanks for the brotherly love and attention. Oh, and the food! Take care of AM, ok?

Gelo, our baby Packer. Thanks for our kulitan sessions, for going with me whenever I need to buy lunch or turon. Salamat sa korni mo na jokes and for showing me all your palpak magic tricks.
Thanks sa stress ball.
You never fail to make me smile...

Tonyo, thanks for calling whenever I need to be sane and for always making sure I'm ok.

Mirro, my guy counterpart! Luvs your wonderful pad. Thanks for the pizza, red wine and the song that resounds in my head. Can't wait for our next pyjama/booze party. And yes, in a parallel universe, we would be a scorching hot couple!!!

Kuya Jeff, for being there always and keeping my phone happily beeping.

Finally, maraming salamat sa aking mga mhen...

Nessie, miss na kita! Thank you for calling me right away. I was absolutely touched. Mwaah!

Lainey, I know I have not shared the whole story with you, but thank you for understanding me during that time. Thank you for having been there for me anyway and for giving me the space that I needed and allowing me not to talk about it with you.

Tevs, I love you. Salamat. You've been with me from the very start. You alone know all the messy details. Thanks for the hand that I can squeeze and the shoulder I can collapse on. We've been through so much together. Thank you for staying up late whenever I have the uncontrollable urge to bawl my eyes out.
Thank God for my wonderful support system!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Pyromania 2007

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The Pyrolympics at MOA. Spain and Brit presented tonight.


Friday, December 15, 2006


I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall
All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better
I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly I got lost
In the sounds I hear in my mind
All these voices I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
Breaks my Heart
Breaks my heart

Saturday, October 21, 2006


Today I met a man who used to wear his heart on his sleeve.


He had a heart inked on to his upper arm. He had a girl's name etched on to his skin and with a flourish, he also had the girl's favourite Disney Princess tatooed on.

Aaawwwww...Love. Turns us all into sissies, does it not?

The man and the girl are no longer together and he has had the ink erased from his skin. Now, he has a huge scar where his heart, Princess and lover's name used to be.

Inexplicably, I felt a twinge of envy (or was it jealousy) when I he told me this story. I know it sounds shallow. I know getting a tatoo does not really prove anything nor does it guarantee being together forever. Besides, who knows what the reasons may have been behind those tatoos, who knows what circumstances prompted the man to have himself branded.

What I do know is that a tatoo signifies permanence. It is something that is imperishable. A symbol that can not simply be washed away by a hot shower and a fresh bar of soap. It is a mark of something steadfast and unfaltering - a declaration of FOREVER.

Yes, things may not work out in the end. As I said, tatoos DO NOT guarantee happily ever afters. But having someone at some point in your life announce to the world over that he believes in spending eternity with you, is pretty damn sweet.
Whoever, wherever you are, you'd better hurry up and get here. I want to spend time with you. i want to know you. I want to make it count. Share stories and hear your laughter. I want to know how it feels when you finally hold my hand.
If the universe is listening, I want someone to know completely and possess but not destroy...
Today, I met a man who used to wear his heart on his sleeve. Tomorrow, I hope to meet a man who will take care of my heart.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Status Update

The past two months has had me thinking like I've never thought before. I think I've just been through my first real heartache. It was scary, it was hard. It was horrible. It had me deal with so many thoughts and emotions. It was all a constant struggle. I am so tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally drained.

When people came up to me and asked me how I was or how I've been, I had such a hard time uttering the auto-answer, "Okay lang". I am still not as "okay" as I should be. I am still going through a lot right now. Still trying to figure out possible meaning behind this chaos. I am desperately holding on to some truths amidst the sea of lies. (I loved him. Did he ever love me? Did those five years ever mean anything at all?)There are times when I still confuse myself, when I am restless and reckless and on the verge of losing my mind.

I am trying so hard to cope. Trying to accept that things have definitely changed and the world will never ever be the same again. I know there are still a lot of things left undone and words unsaid, things that may be better left the way they are or things that may need to be out in the open. I know there are just so many things that I still have to do, to go through and to process before I can completely heal.
I never saw this coming. Perhaps I was too complacent, too confident that anything this 'dramatic' could ever happen to us; that anything could ever ruin what we had. Now life decides to pull the rug from right under me!

Most times, I have no idea what I am doing. I don't know where all this is supposed to lead me to. I'm just trying to be happy. Or at the very least, look happy. I try to forget and immerse myself in all things bright and bustling with life. I need to be with people. I have to be in the middle of a million busy people going about their seemingly normal lives. And even when I am surrounded by so much activity, colors and noise - I still somehow feel all alone. Detached. Alienated by my inner demons.

There are days when I just want to scream. The air around me feels so thick and my chest starts to heave with the pain of uncried tears. There are days when I wake up as a zombie. Drained of memories, tears and strength. I go about my daily routine with hands that do not feel and eyes that do not see. The days can drag on and on, but just as long as there are people I can talk and be with - I can survive daylight.

It is the nights that I dread most. The morning allows me not to think or feel too much. I could easily push painful thoughts far from my mind. But when the dusk turns to dark and my heart has uttered all its prayers that beseech healing, forgiveness, hope and new life - I find myself alone again. The silence echoes around my ears with its sad hollowness. Alone. Alone to deal with the questions, the doubts and fears. In the dark, I can not escape from the movie in my mind. I can not ignore the 'what ifs' and 'could've beens', the million and more things that I may have done differently to have prevented all this mess.

In the darkness, I can not shake off the pain, I can not evade myself...

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Siyento Na Ang Lolo Ko!!!

My great grandfather turned 100 years old...

mamay's bday mosaic


Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Yes, I am trying to talk myself into this...

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
(quote from Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy)

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Today's Horoscope (by Holiday Mathis)

You don't have to fight so hard to hold on to what you already have. If it's really yours, it'll stick with you. Build a more empowering thought process.
What's yours is yours for a reason.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Word of the Day

ambivalent \am-BIV-uh-lunt\ adjective
*1 : simultaneously holding contradictory attitudes or feelings (as attraction and repulsion) toward someone or something
2 a : continually fluctuating (as between one thing and its opposite) b : uncertain as to which approach to follow

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

SAYANG - an ending to the story of us

the way we were
Originally uploaded by

thank you for your forced honesty. kung hindi ko pa pinilit ka, hindi mo pa talaga sasabihin. kelan mo kaya balak ipaalam sa kin na hindi na ako part ng mga plano mo?
i'm sorry it had to happen this way. ang sakit 'ni. ang sakit sakit.
ang dami ko na ginive-up para sa yo. ang dami kong ginawa para sa yo,
only to end up like this.

you have betrayed me big time. you know how absoulutely vulnerable i am. you know all my weaknesses and all my insecurities. you knew where to hit me and you hit me real hard.

hindi ko ginusto o pinangarap na mag abroad ka. i knew it was going to strain our relationship, i knew long distance love affairs had a tendency to go sour. pero hindi din kita pinigilan kasi alam ko may obligasyon ka sa pamilya mo.

nagparaya lang ako.

all i ever asked of you is complete honesty and that you play fair. that you would have enough common courtesy to let me know if anything happened and where i stood.

but you have never been fair. you have hurt me countless times with your duplicity, your complete and utter lack of consideration for my feelings. when will you ever stop being a spineless coward? when will you start growing balls?

well, i wont be sticking around to find out if and when that happens.

i guess i've had enough.

i'm sorry our five years together didn't work out. This may have been as much my fault as it is yours.


i know madami din akong pagkakamali at pagkukulang. i'm really sorry. i wonder if there was anything that i could have done differently? if we lived in a world without duty or consequence, would you have stayed here? if i were a better girlfriend, if i had agreed to marry you and bear your offsprings at the age of 21, would you have stayed?

maybe. still, i would not have had any guarantees that this would not have happened.

i just want you to know that i loved you. loved you more than i could ever understand. loved you more than i could explain. no one will ever love you as much as i did. no one will ever be stupid enough to love you like i did.

why isn't love enough?

magkalayo tayo. maybe you were lonely, maybe she was charming. but there was a moment. there's always a moment, a split-second to remind you how of good we were together, of everything that you had with me. as alice said in closer," i don't know when your moment was, but i bet there was one". you just ignored that moment and chose to betray all of our five years together.


i haven't cried my eyes out yet. maybe the immensity of all this hasn't sunk in yet. maybe i am relieved that i finally know what i needed to know from you. maybe i've prepared myself for this all along. no matter, this episode was long overdue.

yes, i've had the chance to cry out a little. bitter little cries. body shaking - shallow breaths - tears streaming from my eyes kind of cries that last no more than five minutes. my friends have asked me if it would make me feel better if you called and said sorry and asked me to take you back?

my answer is no. i would never be able to negate the fact that you cheated on me. Again. i would never be able to forgive myself if i put up with it all over again. i would never be able to make myself whole if i did that. i've been your fool far too many times already. it is this new girl's role now. i am passing the crown over to her...

"i pray na kahit anong mangyari sana tayo talaga in the end, kasi i
would not know how to start all over again without you".

this is what i wrote in my last email to you. this is no longer my prayer.
i now pray to be strong, to be able to cry over the could've been that was us, to be angry over the betrayal, to feel everything that i should feel over this breakup. i have the right to grieve. i will grieve. i will sob over everything good and bad that i remember about us.

and then i will pick myself up. i will forgive you. i will be a bigger and stronger and a more beautiful person than when i was with you. i will be able to thank you then for all the lessons that i learned from you and our relationship. i am sure of that because everything only becomes crystal clear in hindsight. i will have completed the story of us.

most importantly, i will know how to start all over again without you...

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Toss up my heart to see where it lands

On and on
I just keep on trying
And I smile when I feel like dying
On and on, on and on, on and on...

Monday, July 17, 2006

soon, hopefully...

the nth time it dawned on me that i am a grown-up who is expected to make grown up decisions almost made me cry. in fact i had to sniffle a few times when that thought hit home a little harder than usual.
i have always thought that this job would bring me nowhere. that it was temporary - a transition phase from college and then on to a bohemian rhapsody of travel, writing, meditating and making a difference in the world.
almost two years later, i am still here doing the same thing that is expected of me every single day. sure, there are days when i slack off, abuse my acw, auxes and hold time and just try to avoid as much of the queue as possible. there are days when i want to yank my hair off and foam at the mouth if i had to listen to yet another impossibly silly story. days when i just get so sick and tired of it all that my eyes glaze over until i get an uncontrollable urge to smash the avaya against my PC. i whine on and on about how horrid and dull and old my work has become, but at the back of my mind i've always known exactly where i wanted to be and how i was going to get there.
i am currently taking baby steps towards that goal. the past three weeks have been tough. i've had to make (now this will sound a little too dramatic, but here it goes) life altering decisions, i needed to grow up a little bit more, but i've somehow managed. i am learning new things and the world is once again a dear and exciting place to live in. everthing is finally falling into place and with little more hard work and God's help I know I'll get there.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Baby steps

We're almost there, sweetie. Baby steps, just baby steps and we're there...

Friday, June 16, 2006

over the edge

I have said it before and i'll say it once again for emphasis. i am completely over you. except for the occasional what-ifs marathon that tevs and i have, i am absolutely, without any doubt over, over, over you.
Prove it? I already did.
You came back with a vengeance with a dinner date invitation. i was utterly shocked when you introduced me as some girlfriend of yours to your 'gang'. that night produced more questions rather than answered the great many i already had. more invites to movies, coffee, and quiet talks followed but i didn't want to deal. when you couldn't have your way, you stalked me. pleeeease, what else would you call hanging around our building's Starbucks before and after your work hours in the hopes to have a word with me!?!
You had your chance to explain everything when our paths finally crossed. you told me what i needed to know most, that once upon a time you loved me. those two hours you spent confessing all that could have been between us meant nothing. you merely aired your side of the story which unfortunately holds no more interest for me.
An old man whining about the complicated life he imagines to live is not the stuff romantic comedies are made of. i don't want you anymore. you are neither my crush nor my hoped for soulmate now. i'd like to have you as a friend, it would be pretty fun to hang around again, eat out, play badminton, and watch movies. but apparantly being "just friends" is rubbish for you.
Suit yourself. Advanced Happy Birthday.
See you around...

Friday, May 26, 2006

Identikit and Copycat

When will you ever stop channelling me?
I am so sick sick SICK and tired of being copied by you. You try to buy the same clothes, accesories and footwear as the ones I've bought from the week before. How many times must I catch you telling a story or joke that you heard from me and try to pass it off as your own?
You're a joke, you are.
Let me tell you why you'll never be me - because you don't have a pinch of originality in you.
Don't think nobody notices your photocopying ways, my dear. People know and boy, how they laugh!
You're pathetic.
Get off my case and start getting a life.
Stop pirating me.

Thursday, May 11, 2006


i use friendster to stalk people. old classmates, past crushes, friends i've lost contact with, my beau's exes, my nemesis from highschool and other people i've encountered randomly. it's a highly amusing albeit very unproductive way to pass time.
i hated the time when friendster updated the site and allowed people to see who had been viewing their accounts. i thought that was the end of my online stalking days, thankfully they had also made a tool to allow you to stalk, uhhrm, browse profiles anonimously.
the grab this photo tool on friendster is a very useful one which lets you copy and post pictures from your friends' profiles to your own account. i have never used this tool before and have never thought of clicking on the who's grabbed my photos link until today. i didn't really expect anyone to have taken pictures from my account except tevs or elaine maybe.
i almost fell off my seat when i saw D.R's profile appear as the sole person who grabbed photos from me. i looked through his photos to know what and how many pictures he copied. the guy has nerves. he dared to copy two of my pics; one of me and tevs taken at the rice production course we attended in IRRI and the other a solo pic of my fugly mug!
i immediately sent him a message demanding to know why he grabbed my photos. i know i shouldn't have made a big deal out it but it just weirded me out to speculate on his motive or reasons for pulling that stunt. eeewwww! cringe. eeewww!
i deleted the pictures from my account but my pictures in his account did not budge! i am totally pissed and i do feel a trifle violated.
he was not in any of those pics. he was not the one who peered through the viewfinder and shuttered away to capture those moments (naks kodak!), he had in no way anything to do with those pictures. would it not have been enough to have just browsed through my pictures, why did he need to grab those photos from my account?!? why!?
that's it! if i don't get a reply within a week and if he doesn't delete those pics, i'm reporting him to the honchos of prenster and i'm gonna block him from accessing my account .

Friday, May 05, 2006

Ugly, ain't it?

yep, that's my handwriting right there. i have awful penmanship, i know. well, you try "writing" with a mouse!
and get how the site interprets my chicken scrawl! hehehe \^-^/

Handwriting Analysis

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry. You are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough.
You are negative, fearful, resistant, doubtful, and/or selfish.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You like standing out and making sure that people know your mind.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006


I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help myself...

10. Soap Operas
Yes, i watch all the Tagalog telenovelas, Koreanovelas and Mexicanovelas on Kapamilya. I am so addicted to "Princess Lulu" that I keep making kulit my mom and baby sis on what's the latest between Marco and "The Bomb" whenever I'm not home to watch. It absolutely killed me when I wasn't able to watch the final week of the mujer ingrata's life in Rubi. I'm definitely looking forward to the TV edition of "Bituing Walang Ningning" this May.
Dang, how jologs can I get!

chocolate bars, chocolate candies, chocolate milk, chocolate mint ice-cream, chocolate fountains, chocolate layer cakes. sinful, sinful, sinful. bad for my tonsils. 'nuff said.

8. Chick Lit
General story line: high society girl or girl from the midwest/south/outskirts of NY (i.e. promdi) is thrust in some fab career, mingles with the nouveau riche, thin and famous, utters lots of self-deprecating lines. girl discovers what really matters in life, quits the fab career, ditches all the uber-thin-newly-found-so-called-friends, and gives up all the perks of being a pseudo celeb and finally finds the path to true fulfillment and happiness.
what have i learned from these books? nothing much really. in fact, nothing at all.

7. Tabloid Gossip
Where would i be without a dose of good old Hollywood and English Royalty scandals from the pages of People Weekly, Ok! magazine, National Enquirer and Hello. Tsismis has even gone hi-tech with my fave online intrigueras
Distressed jeans and the superficial...

6. Pirated DVDs
How can I stop supporting piracy when my friendly neighbourhood grocery has the latest titles and the clearest copies. it also doesn't help to see starlets and showbiz has beens flocking to this outlet to get their own copies of dibidi, dibidi!
Uh, peace VRB Chairman?

5. Fashion Magazines
I just have to flip through every issue of Cosmo, Preview, Glamour, Mega, Lucky, Allure and In Style. Although recently I've come to realize that it costs me an arm and a leg for a copy of each issue. As a babe-on-budget solution, I now hang out at PowerBooks every month and orgasm over the fashion editorials. if an issue is just too darling not to have, then out comes my wallet.

4. The Buzz and PBB
I love Boy A. and my mom loves Kris A. We love Pinoy showbiz gossip and nobody can dish it out better than The Buzz. I want to start a Rustom-Keanna Love Team fans club, so there!!!

Food Trips
I can't live without food, glorious food! Take me to the stalls in Salcedo Saturday market, gimme juicy steaks from Tony Roma's; fill me up with Italiannis's and Pizzeria A Veneto pastas; Yellow Cab pizzas; crabs from Crustasia; Oody's satays; French macarons from Bizu; inasal from Chicken Bacalod; burgers and McDo twister fries; loaves and pastries from BreadTalk; buffet dinners at Circles Event Cafe...Hmmmn, obviously I don't believe in starving myself, huh?

2. Grooming and Hygiene Products
Well, somebody's gotta be guinea pig.

1. Havaianas
Please, remind me of the difficulty of getting through the queues when the new arrivals come through every Wednesday and Friday at All FlipFlops and Rustans. Tell me how I have to elbow people out of my way to get to the last pair, size, colour of the newest limited edition. But don't tell me how disgustingly satisfied i feel when I walk around with a one-of-a-kind pair.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

It's the love month...who's gonna give me chocolate!?!

You are White Chocolate

You have a strong feminine side with a good bit of innocence thrown in.
Whether your girlish ways are an act or not, men like to take care of you.
You are an understated beauty, and your power is often underestimated!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Eurostar Carnival: farewell to the flesh

It was all over the news, all the lifestyle pages of the major broadsheets in the country have been raving about it. I wasn't someone to be left behind, so I dragged evs over to the newest attraction in Ft. Bonifacio - the Eurostar Carnival.

I've never been to Ft. Boni before (promdi eh!) and have absolutely no idea how to get there. Tevs said she couldn't really remember which PUVs go there (hmmn, promdi din!), so we had no choice but to hail the ever so reliable cab.

I guess we were overly excited because we arrived an hour before the carnival opened. We killed time by exploring the fasyon Fort promenade not knowing that there was a huge indian/persian resto in the area. I almost puked when the air started reeking of cumin, curry and paprika!!!

We immediately went back to the carnival grounds and had to wait a few more centuries before the ticket kiosk opened. Evs and I were the first people to line up for the tickets!

We couldn't help it, we suddenly became gleeful 5 year olds again when we saw a glimpse of this


and wondered if we could brave this ride?

Karne bal

When we got in, we took it easy and got on the Bumper cars first. There weren't too many rides to begin with so it was too bad that the Booster and Ranger rides were under maintenance. I had evs defy her fear of heights by going on the Ferris Wheel


only to find out that I may secretly be harbouring that fear myself. We were the only souls to ride the gigantic wheel at the time and when we got in on the car thingie, the operator suddenly twisted it and started our ascent! We freaked out as the car wobbled on its way up, we felt the wind rocking us and the cables seemed to heave and squeek with every movement.

The operator stopped the wheel from revolving when our car reached the top. We were able to collect ourselves and giggled nervously as we took pics of the view


and each other

Nerbyus Bravekunwa

More people were arriving when evs and I reached solid ground. We decided to have a look around when we saw this Image014 n0, it's NOT a cell site. It's called the Joker and tevs promptly refused to ride it when I hinted that I wanted to go up there. I guessed she'd say that after we watched this one-armed giant whirl its riders through the air. Right next to the Joker was the Flume which is the carnival's smaller but no less thrilling version of EK's Log Jam.
Dahil madaya ako at mahal aho ni tevs, she sat in front of the canoe for me while I clung on to the rails for dear life as we rode through the waves. We got wet. Our hair, shirts and jeans. halata ba dito?

Mula sa flume

We watched a group of highschool kids get on a ride called Flipper as we were air-drying ourselves on the benches. This ride looked tame enough, not unlike the Cup and Saucer rides in most karnabals so we didn't think twice about getting on to it. Tevs and I sat in total comfort in one of the cups as it gently made pirouettes. Suddenly, the pirouettes turned into cruel twists and turns, the machine was rolling and throwing us about in all and every direction. I had my eyes shut tight throughout the ride and put all my strength in holding on to the bars for fear of slipping through or getting thrown out of the safety bars.

When the ride was finally over and we were able to get down, it still seemed as if the whole world were spinning. Evs and I were so dizzy that we had to go to the water closet several times to throw up!


Evs had a really bad case of vertigo so we had to go home after a few more trips to the ladies to gag. There was no way we were going on another ride, please!

Two days after this (mis)adventure, I'm still popping mefanamic acid to ease the pain of bruises and sore muscles that I got from that dang Flipper ride. Tevs is still suffering from bouts of dizziness and we both have this uneasy feeling that we must be getting a little too old for antics like this. carnivals=health hazards, who knew?

Thursday, January 19, 2006

tears in the calabarzon

i sat all alone in the bus the other day on my way back here to makati. it was almost sunset and the dusky shades of purple and vermillion started to creep up the sky and envelope the peaks of makiling as we passed thru the calabarzon. i was sitting there, thinking... of nothing really, thinking a million and one thoughts but never really knowing what it was all about. i must have sat there in some sort of reverie when i suddenly found myself crying! tears were streaming down my face in the telenovela-heroine-silent-crying style for no apparent reason at all! "am i going nuts?!" i thought to myself as i discreetly tried to dab at my eyes and compose myself.
no, i was just being sentimental. things like sunsets and mt. makiling usually set me off. evs and i had just been back to smallville the previous day and that town never ceases to make me question myself and where i stand.
the bus was approaching the sta. rosa exit as the skies darkened and i glimpsed the lighted ferris wheel of EK behind patches of trees and other shadows. I stared beyond the horizon where there no lay no boundaries between the city lights and the stars, the moment went on forever and i could not comfort myself. i felt sad, empty, empty, empty. it was a gnawing kind of sadness that i could not explain. i just felt old, defeated, a person with no purpose.
when i was younger, i had this sense of invincibility. i could do anything that i wanted to. i had no insecurities at all up to the age of 11. i did everything and anything that i wanted to once i set my heart upon it without fear of embarrasment, failure or ridicule from other people.
i wish i were still that way now. brave and confident and absolutely bullheaded. nowadays, i'm not even brave enough to ask for directions from a policeman or watch a movie alone, much more pursue all the desires of my heart. well, everybody has gotta start somewhere...let me look back on this post eight months from now and let's see how far along the way to my dreams i would have gotten to, ei?

Saturday, December 31, 2005


The first day of a brand new year and it couldn't be more humdrum for me. i spent new year's eve in makati, sleeping and suffocating under two pillows.
You know how Pinoys are so big on firecrackerss or paputok. Once the -ber months come, people will start hoarding and lighting sawa, superlolo, kwitis, bawang and such. As a precaution, I slept on ate evs' bed that faced the concrete wall of our bedroom. I didn't want a stray kwitis or bullet coming at me through the window when people we're in the firecracker frenzy.
Ate evs went back to bats right after her shift on saturday, so i was left to my own devices. I was fast asleep by 8pm but was roused to by thunderous kabooms and bangs. I realized it must be midnight, I sat up and looked at the time on my cellphone to confirm. Indeed it was already some minutes past midnight, so i pulled the covers over my head and dove under my pillows and promptly when back to sleep.
And that is how i spent my new year's eve. Sad, no?
Anyways, lets not dwell on that. Here are pics from our company's Xmas party in Rockwell last Dec.18th

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siksik sa laman: lainey and me...

cheap(tickets) girls...fab are we not?!

ctix gals
Osang, Cynthia,Marion,Laine, me and AM

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with abfab trainer rui..luvs it!!!

Happy New Year, peeps!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


i'm really sorry for not having updated in the longest time... things have been a little crazy lately. i guess the numero uno reason for the silent mode is our account's blocking off ALL non work related websites. that included personal mail, friendster and my dear blogger.com.
let's start where i last left off...ate evs' barfday. she wasn't here in makati on her actual birthday but when she came back we had dinner and she treated me to "my sassy girl". i luuuurrrrve that movie. cutesie but somehow it struck me. evs kept on teasing me about it, she said she could see so much of my bossy, brutal, and selfish ways with khryss and how it was always ok with him to be made into an alila by pwincess dayday.


at work, lainey and i have been accepted to the e-rep recruitment VIP. we render 2 hours work after our regular sched. it was fun at first processing all these piles of resumes and applications. i had a lot of fun making "lait" or "pula". agad na ga ang mga nag sa-submit. now i'm getting kinda bored, but it has been a good experience.

i had a very rude awakening on my birthday. ate evs was robbed on the 16th. she as waiting for a bus to get to work in the wee hours of the morning when a guy suddenly put an arm around her and asked her to hand over her bag. she promptly refused when five more men surrounded her and threatened to stab her.
tevs, being the brave soul that she is would not give in, the robbers having gotten impatient just grabbed her things and ran off. fortunately, some tanod or police came along and were able to catch five of the guys and retrieve her stuff except for her cellphone. she recounted her ordeal at some police station, at ang lola mo dinemanda ang mga ng holdup sa kanya!
the event was very surreal for me and much like a slap on the face. it suddenly hit me that we were indeed now OUT in the real world where people could harm us. life is now more complicated than which top to buy or which skirt went with which shoes. now i also have to worry about being mugged, raped or stabbed to death in a dark corner of osmeña hiway by some random dooby smoker!?!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

complicated no more

i can definitely leave now. i think i've seen all that i have to see here. first there was golubovci and now i had to have another chance encounter with you.
laine and i were trying to find where in the Gs we could find pretty gifts for our siblings when i thought i caught a glimpse of you standing in the corner of delifrance. i walked faster to where you were, thinking perhaps it was just another look-a-like, madaming pamhin sa makati, baka si funny man erick pa yung nakita ko.
Lo and behold! who should be standing with you but your ever so faithful pseudo-girlfriend 073 who never aroused you and some other guy.
for a brief moment i debated with myself whether i should acknowledge you or not. i went for the latter, fully knowing we may never see each other again.
is this sign? why am I so big with signs?
well, no matter.
i saw you. you saw me. the universe has once again conspired to make our paths meet. and once again we thwarted destiny by ignoring each other's existence and pretended nothing happened. what white-livered cowards we are!
it will never happen. we will never be able to acknowlege whatever it was, whatever we were, whatever we could have almost been.
i was there, i was listening when S.B. asked you what the deal was. You simply said it was complicated. he asked you point blank if you loved me or not. you kept on with your prattle about the complicated life you lead. you never denied having feelings for me, then again you never admitted it either. it is this non-admission/non-denial that drives me to the edge. why couldn't you just speak your mind?
sometimes i still get butterflies in my stomach when i remember how the four of us ate midnight snacks at the oval. we were finished with the meals and we looked up the unfathomable heavens studded with stars. we looked for cassiopeia in the sky, i can't recall if we found her. you kept on repeating you'd miss me and wanted to go with me to egypt. before i left, you hugged me and brushed your lips against my cheeks right in the middle of the paddy's badminton court. the world froze and shuttlecocks dropped to the floor while everybody stared at us. was this an affirmation of what everybody had suspected all along?
i don't know. will never know. and i am back to where i started all over again.
we will never speak of this. you will go on with your indifference. but i want no more of this. you may keep your silence. i will say this once and then no more of it: i felt like i could fall in love with you. maybe at some point i already had. for a nano second i would have given up the love that i already had if you required it from me. i have always been attracted to you, like a highschool girl in love with her chemistry teacher. you seemed so brilliant, wordly...complicated. but i held off, partly because i didn't want to make a fool of myself and mostly because i still wanted us to be friends.
all this is a lost cause. i'm not sure that we still are friends. don't worry, i've let go now. i no longer need your declaration of undying love. i've grown up and am only too happy with the guy who loves me.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

happy birthday, tevs!!!

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the birdie gal and moi at Metro Comedy Bar

i've got bad news for you! mas matanda ka na sa akin ngayon!!! don't worry though, i'll catch up with you sooner than you think. yung treat mo ha? ;->
sorry, di na po uso ang Between You and Me cards ng Hallmark. sobrang mahal na kasi ngayon nun, kaya dito na lang sa blog. international network na, libre pa. yoko i-announce sa prenster, baka i-delete pren at block and report user mo pa ako.hehe!
just want to thank you for so many things. i don't think i'll ever be able to find another friend like you anywhere in the world. thanks for having been so good and patient with me. dapat kang kunin ng PNP, turuan mo nga sila nang tinatawag na Maximum Tolerance kasi that's what you've been doing the whole nine years we've been together.
hay, dami na natin memories together. lahat na ata ng kalokohan nagawa na natin.
basta, i have soooooo many things to thank you for. ang sarap kaya nang may friend who i know i can call up in the middle of the night after i've committed bloody murder. i know you'll appear in less than five minutes with a shovel and ready-mix cement to deep six the muderpaker i've wasted.
wish you all the best! sorry kung pinupuyat kita sa paglalakwatcha, hmmn..enjoy naman eh.
luv you!
Happy Birthday!

Monday, October 17, 2005

i can soooo relate

for knee slapping fun and scenes that we girls make check this out....

Saturday, October 15, 2005

from saturday market to bohemian rhapsody

Last saturday was a day of getting lost pour moi et mhen elaine. It was the day of our account's first anniv party in theme boheme. We still had work in the morning, so life went on as usual.
Lainey Outlooked (i farking miss e-pop!) me and asked where we would be eating lunch. If we don't stray from the building it's just a choice of McDo and KFC. I asked her if she had ever been to the Salcedo Saturday market. She admitted she had not, so evil l'il me tempted her with the delish menu usually sold at the market till she finally agreed to have our lunch there. We caught a dyip to Ayala and headed for Salcedo.
I have a poor sense of direction and can not remember street names or such if it meant saving my life. I wholly rely on buildings, trees, billboards and any other physical thingies that may be moved or changed to tell me where I am. After walking some distance from the back of Robinson's Summit, I no longer felt too confident of where we were going, unfortunately we met a patrolman and lainey asked him for directions. As how all stories normally go, the patrolman poited us in the wrong direction and therefore making us lose precious minutes of our one hour lunch break. GRRRRR...
I lurve the saturday market! Where else will you find vendors with Prada beltbags and CD shades selling bottles of chardonnay? Lainey and I walked around a bit to check on the food. Everything looked and smelled delectable but we settled for Ineng's yummy bbq washed down with fresh fruit shake. It was so funny how laine and I were not even speaking while we munched on our food, sa sobrang gutom walang imikan ito, galit galit muna!!!

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here are the staff of Ineng's doing what they're famous for

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ito naman ang epekto ng bbq ng Ineng's, scary!!!

We were late for work by twenty minutes, but it was all worth it. As elaine said, it was her best meal of the week. ..

Later on, we prepared for our bohemian themed anniv party in Grilla Grill. I'll cut to the chase, we received the wrong info regarding the venue, got lost and arrived late for the party. We didn't get to eat at the party so we dragged our fab boho-hobo finery to the Gs and ate there.

I thoroughly enjoyed the day in spite of all the mishaps; getting lost, dealing with stupid, talkative cabbies and patrolmen who don't know zilch, heavy rains and boho chic that has come and gone...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

imbécile d'avril

La vie car je le sais est finie. Je n'écrirai pas les détails parce qu'il blesse trop.Tous que je sais est qu'il a menti à moi. Il m'a trahi. Je suis blessé. À plusieurs reprises et plus d'encore.
J'ai demandé l'everlyn pour m'apporter à la plage. Je veux me noyer et toute cette douleur. Est-ce que je n'étais pas assez? Pourquoi il n'a pas dit la vérité. Il me trompent.Il m'a incité à croire je suis futé, beau, a aimé. Dans des ses bras que je me suis sentis a aimé et coffre-fort. Maintenant je suis cassé. Il m'a détruit. Aujourd'hui, ce soir, je suis brisé. Vulnérable et peu sûr. Laid et indigne d'amour. Je ne sais pas où nous irons. Dieu, je suis blessé. Dieu, si je tombe endormi, ne me laissez pas se réveiller. Prenez mon âme partie. Mais il m'a choisi. Je lui ai donné une autre chance. Portez-moi à un endroit sûr. Ne laissez pas n'importe qui me blessent...
*originally written April 1st, 2004

Monday, October 10, 2005

a new interest in life

For the first time in several months I am excited over something does not involve price tags and a shopping bag.
My mhen, Elaine handed me a copy of "Hands On Manila", a newsletter about volunteer work, projects, and partnerships in the Metro. She said it may be just what we needed in our lives at the moment. My initial reaction was, "ME?!?Volunteer work???". I flipped through the newsletter during lunch and shrugged. Doing carpentry and hammering away under a scorching sun to build a low-cost village isn't really my kind of thing. I could read stories to children at the Museo Pambata (afterall, I did complete a storytelling seminar conducted by no less than Rene O. Villanueva) but, the Museo is not too accessible pour moi, it being in Ermita and all. Writing is more my thing and the Children's Hour office is right here in Makati, so I promised Laine I'd give it a try.
Today, two weeks after giving that promise I finally called up Children's Hour and spoke with a lady name Isa. She invited me to visit their office and check out their current projects. After putting the phone down, I realized I had butterflies in my stomach.
I am finally reaching out. I have always wanted to be involved in something bigger than myself. Perhaps this is the first teeny step to realize my potentials. Perhaps this is what I need to stop my frustrations, somehow being a self-proclaimed gourmand and shopaholic has lost its thrill. I guess I need something to stimulate me, a deed that I can dedicate to others, something indicative of my devcom learning, something...anything that is more significant than how I am currently passing time.
I truly hope this pushes through.
Wish moi luck...

Monday, October 03, 2005

song for the complicated

The Carpenters
There was a man,
a lonely man
Who lost his love through his indifference
A heart that cared, that went unchecked
Until it died in his silence
And Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
And by himself, it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire
Another day, a lonely day
So much to say that goes unspoken
And through the night, his sleepless nights
His eyes are closed, his heart is broken
And Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
And by himself it's easy to pretend
She's coming back again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire
A little hope, goes up in smoke
Just how it goes, goes without saying
And by himself it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire

Sunday, October 02, 2005

what ails the hypochondriac?

i'm updating this in the office. i am not taking calls right now because i am suffering from tonsillitis (not again!). i have all the symptons of tonsillitis, fever, chills, swollen tonsils covered with whitish spots (nana?),
difficulty in swallowing, trouble with breathing, nausea, uneven cuticles and the sudden urge to go shopping (bwahahaha!!!)
Tonsillitis seems to be my body's favourite illness. I was never a sickly child but tonsillitis has been a recurring illness of mine. I would already be lucky if i came down with it only four times in a year. What's really frustrating is that whenever my throat is in this condition all the chocolate, freezing drinks, cakes and sweets in the world seem to be more tempting to have than at any other given time.
i don't plan to have my tonsils taken out any time soon if it means slitting my throat and getting operation scars. oh alright, if i don't get any better by the end of the week i'll try to pop in at makati med just to make sure i don't have throat cancer, tonsil cancer or cancer of the something and other.
don't worry, i'll update you and let you know if its terminal...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

loves it!!!

ipod nano, i likey likey!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

rants and regrets

i am such a friggin coward!!! i could just strangle myself for being the ninny that I am. well, it serves me right because now I will end up wondering about it till the next opportunity comes along or for the rest of my life. moving on...
mama and i have started fixing the requirements for Canada which Tito Lloyd has been waiting forever for. the whole activity daunts me. once everything has been processed and we do get there, and then what? what does a 20 something year old, devcomm grad do in Calgary? i have absolutely no idea! what i do know is that Calgary is a cold place to live in, with the Canadian Rockies in that area, how am I supposed to keep my feet from freezing in my havs!?! uugghh! next thing you know, i'll probably have a collection of Ugg Boots.
this is a nonsensical post, so if you are confused by what you're reading, X out this browser - now na!
i just don't know what i'm doing, a year of working and i haven't really made anything of myself. this may not be the CAREER i want, but it would have been nice if i'd tried harder. the opportunity to move up came along but i passed it up simply because i felt scared. i was filling out an ijaf and read through what i was typing. the whole page was simply anaemic, i didn't think i did that well at all, and if didn't think i did well enough what more of the person who would be assessing my junk? so i tore it up and tried to forget about it. then my QA analyst comes over to my station and asks if i passed the application. i told her i didn't and she wanted strangle me too.
yes, this is something i am definitely regretting.
sigh...i am so bored i could scream. i am so bored i could start pulling out my hair one by one. puuhhhhhhleeeeezzzz!!! i can't do this anymore. i just want to pack my things and ride a banca all the way to boracay and wear nothing but bandeaus, skimpy shorts and trusty havaianas. then i remember that i hate the beach because i do not get a lovely mocha tan like normal people do if they bask under the sun, instead I'll get burned and streaked like bacon rashers, i hate how sand gets in between my toes and how salt water stings my skin and my eyes. hah! life's a beach, life's a bitch! i read somewhere that life is NOT a bitch it's a virgin...bitches are too easy or something to that effect. do you agree?
i'm so scared. i'm so scared of not being able to live out my dream. in a couple of months a shall be a year older. another 365 days wasted on something i care not for...

Friday, September 09, 2005


don't flatter yourself too much. what happened was a mere coincidence and nothing more. i may be a scheming cunt but I was in no way involved in the scriptwriting of that episode in your pathetic life. it was perhaps the universe's way of reminding us that the Fates are three biyotches with a sardonic sense of humour.
we were both taken aback to find ourselves in the same room. the same people were there doing the same things they were doing two years ago. it was just like the old times but NOT. two years ago we still belonged there, now we're just groupies of the Institute.
i successfully resisted what was left of your charms and was able to ignore you much to your chagrin. still, i must admit i was painfully aware of your existence. was that your attempt at making conversation? boy, you sucked! were you trying to catch my attention? well, it may please you to know that i did notice a few things about you that day:

1) you look older than when I last saw you;
2) you were wearing a new pair of black, leather shoes although they are no better than the pair you had before;
3) you now sport a silver stud on one ear (whaddaf*%#*!?!)
4) you have not stopped smoking since I left (hah! now I flatter myself..).

you have the honor of being my "last teenage crush". No, i am no longer infatuated with you, i know better now and there is nothing romantic in being with a complicated man. there are so many things that I would like to ask you though. Everytime you are mentioned, a great, long converstaion of what-ifs and could-haves would result between moi and tevs. there are so many things that you have yet to explain, not because you owe it to me or anything, just so i would finally be able to stop wondering. over the years the questions have kept piling up and the non-communication was pregnant with words left unsaid, things undone, messages unsent and the ultimate question unasked and therefore unanswered.
please, these chance encounters have to stop. i don't want to know the answers when i no longer have the will nor the interest to ask. let us leave everything as they are - a puzzle unsolved and unfinished...

Thursday, September 08, 2005


on a whim evs and i went to smallville yesterday. it was one of those now or never decisions, the kind where we knew that if we didn't act on our impulse and we planned to go on a another date the "scheduled" trip will never push through. so off we went to the beloved paddies on a GreenStar Liner. We texted our mhen Nessie who got inggit and said she'll just render halfday of work and will see us later.
we were so excited on the bus, thinking of all the things we were going to eat, all the new places we were going to see. some people have comfort food, we have a comfort town in smallville. ewan ba kung bakit namin laging hinahanap hanap and smallville. it's our place of solace, the place where we could just go back to being carefree, young and unconquered by the realities of life.
we alighted at college around 830 am. we had not had breakfast so yet we walked to Petrinos and scarfed down their yummy tapsilog.

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after breakfast, we headed for the institute.

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ganito ang epekto ng petrinos tapsi

ayun, naranasan na naman namin ang pang didiri ng mga dyipni draybers sa pag sesenyas namin sa kamay na papunta kami ng institute. pag ni-clarify mo pa at talagang binigkas na sa i**i ka magpapahatid ay bigla nilang ipapaling ang ulo at saka iiling ng HINDI!
finally, we were able to lure a jeep to get us to our hallowed fields. first stop, VIS para mag wee-wee sa paboritong water closet. we made our usual rounds, it was just like the old times but deep inside we all knew we could never really go back to how it all was before.
come afternoon time the complete cast was at the caf. ang saya! kinulit namin si dudi, binalahura si kuya uro, dinedma si tumbs, inasar si jennie, humungi ng lanyard mula kay tito macky, nag da buzz with sir boyet, at nung gabi eh tinukso si sir paul para i-libre kami sa coffeeblends. sa phuongs kaming tatlong bugok nag-dinner ng spicy sauteed chicken..hay,sarap talaga. pero nung gabi na wala na kami masyado energy kaya wala nang pics. kala nga namin sa demarses lang kami uuwi. hehehe....it was a tiring but memorable day. nes, evs and i tried so hard to steal that day. to make it ours, to make the laughter, the gossip, the taste and the feeling of smallville last in our memories for another six months or until we would be able to return once more.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005


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team REZklamadors at the Krocodile Grill, Greenbelt

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supe(r) rez, owen aka piper, berna, me, ely, paul and haydn

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the rezklamadoras: rocky, owen, berna, me and haydn

Sunday, September 04, 2005

talaga lang ha?

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want.
And that's marriage - with the right person.
You're serious about settling down some time soon.
Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

Saturday, September 03, 2005

para sa yo...

Saranggola sa Ulan
Gary Granada
Naririnig ko pa ang bawat hagikhik
ng una kong sinta at kalarong paslit
at ang sabi ng matatanda
siya ay maalwan ako'y dukha
Di raw kami bagay
at kay raming dahilan
ngunit si Bakekay ay walang pakialam
sa aming kamusmusan kay raming palaisipan
ngunit tatlong bagay ang aking natutunan
Ang pag-asa'y walang hanggan
Pag-ibig ay walang hadlang
At lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan
At kung ang pagsinta'y di rin magtagal
ang mas mahalaga natutong magmahal
umibig ng walang panghihinayang
kahit na malamang na masaktan
Kanina lang sa aking tabi may aleng lumiko
at sa pagmamadali nasagi aking puso
Eto na naman ako sa aking kabaliwan
na sinasabi nga nilang suntok sa buwan
Ngunit hindi hihindian ng tulad kong natuto nang
magpalipad ng saranggola sa ulan
Gaya ng langit laging sinasabi ko
o siya nawa ay siya na nga ang totoo
Eto na naman ako sa aking kabaliwan
na sinasabi nga nilang suntok sa buwan
Ngunit hindi hihindian ng tulad kong natuto nang
magpalipad ng saranggola sa ulan
Eto ako tumatandang nakahandang panindiganang
bato sa tubig ay lulutang at lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan.
Alam ko theme song ito ng buhay pag-ibig mo. Salamat nga pala sa pag share mo sa akin ng napakagandang awitin na ito. Ako din ay isang romantiko at naniniwala sa laman ng kanta.Alam ko mahal mo siya, pero hanggang kelan ka handa na magtiis, hanggang saan mo kayang masaktan sa isang bagay na walang kasiguraduhan? hahayaan kitang magmahal kung alam kong mabuti ito para sa yo. kung nakikita kitang masaya, pero unang beses ata kita nakitang maluhaluha sa publiko ay kinabahan ako. hindo mo yon role. ohmigosh! at may balak ka pa atang agawan ako ng trono bilang drama queen.
i can't tolerate the waiting, waiting for something that may never be. heck, if you asked me to do some evaaaahl stunts with you to expedite something, anything to know what his plans are, i would!!! don't you wanna know where you stand? oo, nakakabaliw ang umibig. at normal din na masaktan dahil sa pagibig, at minsan dahil likas din tayong masokista ay kahit alam nating pwede tayong masaktan, eh ok lang. Kibber! pero hindi okay maging bulag kung napakalaki naman ng mga mata mo. di ba ikaw na din ang nagsabing mala-flashlight ang mga mata mo? bukod sa nakikita, ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman mo? may pupuntahan ba talaga lahat ng pagtitiis, paguunawa at pagbibigay ng paulitulit?
malaki ka na. madami tayong ugali na magkapareha, at sana isa dito ay ang magpakatanga at isang araw ay mauntog, matauhan at mamulat ng tuluyan. at sa pag mulat mo, pangako, tutulungan pa kitang magpalipad ng saranggola sa ulan...

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Nirvana at The Spa

tuesday is evs' and my lakwatcha day. it's the only day of the week where we can really be together, so it has become a weekly routine that we hit the Gs after work to shop or window shop (depending on our wallet size), eat, catch a movie, browse the shelves of PowerBooks, and unwind with our fave mocha fraps. yesterday, we had to carry out our routine half-heartedly. after taking calls the whole day without much sleep due to our Metro gig the night before, both of us weren't in the best of moods. we agreed that we would just eat and then go straight home to catch lost zzzzzs.
we ordered lasagna, garlic bread and refillable iced teas at Pizzeria Veneto (not sure how the resto's name is spelled). i guess the scrumptious combination of pasta, tomato and bechamel sauce, ground beef and rich layers of melted mozzarella heartened us and we became our usual yakkity selves again. i complained about all the knots i had in my neck and back. evs agreed and said how great it should be to get a massage. on an impulse, we searched for a spa who could provide a great but affordable body massage. we didn't dare go into Suriya fearing that its services may be too steep. so we walked all the way to park square to look for Let's Face It. Their body massage priced at P320-450 (ano 'to, depende sa lapad o laki ng katawan?), but they could not accomodate us because they only accepted walk-in clients til 7pm and it was already a few minutes past 7.huh! it was the same sad story at the Mendez Center. we were about to lose all hope, but being the single-minded brat that i am, we went ahead to look for The Spa.
the moment that we entered The Spa, we knew we just had to get a massage there! We could only pray that it wouldn't cost us an arm and a leg. So, we walked up to the counter and looked through their menu of services to find that we could get a head and shoulder rub for around P500. We really wanted a fully body massage, so we went for a 60 minute shiatsu which cost more than a pair of Havaianas tops but whaddaheck!?
after we signed up for the services, evs and i were given locker keys and ushered in to a room where we were supposed to get ready for our shiatsu. a lady was there to assist us and we were provided with towels, bathrobes and rubber slippers. The locker room was very clean and the scent of mint and rosemary filled the air. the lady told told us we could take a shower and go into the steam room before our massage. so, into the frosted glass cubicle we showered and dried ourselves with the fluffy white towels. we changed into the sea green robes, smelling faintly of olive oil. evs laughs at this quirk of mine, i have to identify the scent of all things that my nose comes across with.
we waited a few minutes on the plush couch and drank a tangy ginger tea concoction then the lady guided us into the massage room. the massage room contained neat beds with white linen and firm pillows, again the smell of mint and other woody, spicy notes pervaded the air. the masseuse (what's the plural form of this word?) came into the room and had us lie (yes, this is the correct form, it's called intransitive verb) on our chests. i asked leizyl, the masseuse who attended to me for an oil shiatsu. evs and i disrobed and we were covered in white linen sheets. after leizyl started doing magic with her hands, i dozed off to the sensation of my muscles and flesh being kneaded. she had to wake me up and tell me my 60 minutes of bliss were over. aawwww! before evs and i hit the shower we sat in the steam room for a few minutes and there i learned how a teabag must feel like...
evs and i went home without any shopping bags but definitely a few bucks poorer, but sometimes you really have to spend on the intangible things in life to experience Nirvana.


  • I'm JAI-nism
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