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rants and regrets

i am such a friggin coward!!! i could just strangle myself for being the ninny that I am. well, it serves me right because now I will end up wondering about it till the next opportunity comes along or for the rest of my life. moving on...
mama and i have started fixing the requirements for Canada which Tito Lloyd has been waiting forever for. the whole activity daunts me. once everything has been processed and we do get there, and then what? what does a 20 something year old, devcomm grad do in Calgary? i have absolutely no idea! what i do know is that Calgary is a cold place to live in, with the Canadian Rockies in that area, how am I supposed to keep my feet from freezing in my havs!?! uugghh! next thing you know, i'll probably have a collection of Ugg Boots.
this is a nonsensical post, so if you are confused by what you're reading, X out this browser - now na!
i just don't know what i'm doing, a year of working and i haven't really made anything of myself. this may not be the CAREER i want, but it would have been nice if i'd tried harder. the opportunity to move up came along but i passed it up simply because i felt scared. i was filling out an ijaf and read through what i was typing. the whole page was simply anaemic, i didn't think i did that well at all, and if didn't think i did well enough what more of the person who would be assessing my junk? so i tore it up and tried to forget about it. then my QA analyst comes over to my station and asks if i passed the application. i told her i didn't and she wanted strangle me too.
yes, this is something i am definitely regretting.
sigh...i am so bored i could scream. i am so bored i could start pulling out my hair one by one. puuhhhhhhleeeeezzzz!!! i can't do this anymore. i just want to pack my things and ride a banca all the way to boracay and wear nothing but bandeaus, skimpy shorts and trusty havaianas. then i remember that i hate the beach because i do not get a lovely mocha tan like normal people do if they bask under the sun, instead I'll get burned and streaked like bacon rashers, i hate how sand gets in between my toes and how salt water stings my skin and my eyes. hah! life's a beach, life's a bitch! i read somewhere that life is NOT a bitch it's a virgin...bitches are too easy or something to that effect. do you agree?
i'm so scared. i'm so scared of not being able to live out my dream. in a couple of months a shall be a year older. another 365 days wasted on something i care not for...

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  • I'm JAI-nism
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  • freelance writer.copy reader.travel specialist.only child for 14 years.development communication grad.journalism major.gender and development advocate.bahrain raised pinay.ilonggang batanguena.borbonian.mall rat.math ditz.bipolar.lacks sense of direction.socially challenged.sporadic blogger.obsessive compulsive.manic-depressive.traveler with motion sickness.elbi infatuated.soi-disant fashionista.photography dabbler.culture vulture. gourmand.havaianas addict.free spirit.incurable bookworm.drama queen.maldita personified.super lambing.taray queen.chocoholic.shoe fetishist.shameless laitera.adored and abhorred.hopeless romantic.over-doting big sister.loyal friend.spiteful enemy.spoilt brat.self critic.jaded cynic.bitch and a half.faithful and loving ex-girlfriend.good girl with bad habits.
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