complicated no more
i can definitely leave now. i think i've seen all that i have to see here. first there was golubovci and now i had to have another chance encounter with you.
laine and i were trying to find where in the Gs we could find pretty gifts for our siblings when i thought i caught a glimpse of you standing in the corner of delifrance. i walked faster to where you were, thinking perhaps it was just another look-a-like, madaming pamhin sa makati, baka si funny man erick pa yung nakita ko.
Lo and behold! who should be standing with you but your ever so faithful pseudo-girlfriend 073 who never aroused you and some other guy.
for a brief moment i debated with myself whether i should acknowledge you or not. i went for the latter, fully knowing we may never see each other again.
is this sign? why am I so big with signs?
well, no matter.
i saw you. you saw me. the universe has once again conspired to make our paths meet. and once again we thwarted destiny by ignoring each other's existence and pretended nothing happened. what white-livered cowards we are!
it will never happen. we will never be able to acknowlege whatever it was, whatever we were, whatever we could have almost been.
i was there, i was listening when S.B. asked you what the deal was. You simply said it was complicated. he asked you point blank if you loved me or not. you kept on with your prattle about the complicated life you lead. you never denied having feelings for me, then again you never admitted it either. it is this non-admission/non-denial that drives me to the edge. why couldn't you just speak your mind?
sometimes i still get butterflies in my stomach when i remember how the four of us ate midnight snacks at the oval. we were finished with the meals and we looked up the unfathomable heavens studded with stars. we looked for cassiopeia in the sky, i can't recall if we found her. you kept on repeating you'd miss me and wanted to go with me to egypt. before i left, you hugged me and brushed your lips against my cheeks right in the middle of the paddy's badminton court. the world froze and shuttlecocks dropped to the floor while everybody stared at us. was this an affirmation of what everybody had suspected all along?
i don't know. will never know. and i am back to where i started all over again.
we will never speak of this. you will go on with your indifference. but i want no more of this. you may keep your silence. i will say this once and then no more of it: i felt like i could fall in love with you. maybe at some point i already had. for a nano second i would have given up the love that i already had if you required it from me. i have always been attracted to you, like a highschool girl in love with her chemistry teacher. you seemed so brilliant, wordly...complicated. but i held off, partly because i didn't want to make a fool of myself and mostly because i still wanted us to be friends.
all this is a lost cause. i'm not sure that we still are friends. don't worry, i've let go now. i no longer need your declaration of undying love. i've grown up and am only too happy with the guy who loves me.
laine and i were trying to find where in the Gs we could find pretty gifts for our siblings when i thought i caught a glimpse of you standing in the corner of delifrance. i walked faster to where you were, thinking perhaps it was just another look-a-like, madaming pamhin sa makati, baka si funny man erick pa yung nakita ko.
Lo and behold! who should be standing with you but your ever so faithful pseudo-girlfriend 073 who never aroused you and some other guy.
for a brief moment i debated with myself whether i should acknowledge you or not. i went for the latter, fully knowing we may never see each other again.
is this sign? why am I so big with signs?
well, no matter.
i saw you. you saw me. the universe has once again conspired to make our paths meet. and once again we thwarted destiny by ignoring each other's existence and pretended nothing happened. what white-livered cowards we are!
it will never happen. we will never be able to acknowlege whatever it was, whatever we were, whatever we could have almost been.
i was there, i was listening when S.B. asked you what the deal was. You simply said it was complicated. he asked you point blank if you loved me or not. you kept on with your prattle about the complicated life you lead. you never denied having feelings for me, then again you never admitted it either. it is this non-admission/non-denial that drives me to the edge. why couldn't you just speak your mind?
sometimes i still get butterflies in my stomach when i remember how the four of us ate midnight snacks at the oval. we were finished with the meals and we looked up the unfathomable heavens studded with stars. we looked for cassiopeia in the sky, i can't recall if we found her. you kept on repeating you'd miss me and wanted to go with me to egypt. before i left, you hugged me and brushed your lips against my cheeks right in the middle of the paddy's badminton court. the world froze and shuttlecocks dropped to the floor while everybody stared at us. was this an affirmation of what everybody had suspected all along?
i don't know. will never know. and i am back to where i started all over again.
we will never speak of this. you will go on with your indifference. but i want no more of this. you may keep your silence. i will say this once and then no more of it: i felt like i could fall in love with you. maybe at some point i already had. for a nano second i would have given up the love that i already had if you required it from me. i have always been attracted to you, like a highschool girl in love with her chemistry teacher. you seemed so brilliant, wordly...complicated. but i held off, partly because i didn't want to make a fool of myself and mostly because i still wanted us to be friends.
all this is a lost cause. i'm not sure that we still are friends. don't worry, i've let go now. i no longer need your declaration of undying love. i've grown up and am only too happy with the guy who loves me.
